Broken

Please pray for me. I don't like asking for prayer. I was going to write a status on facebook, but I realized I had more to say than I could fit in a status and frankly I would rather write it in here because I feel like a lot of people just wouldn't get it. I mean no disrespect by saying that. I just know that a lot of people would have written back "what's wrong?" I don't think I would doubt their sincerity. It's just not that easy to explain.

I feel broken. I haven't felt like this in quite a while. I know the Bible says do not be anxious, but I have a lot of anxiety right now. Its not like I feel too far away from God or anything like that. I don't doubt my salvation or the existence of a holy triune God. Just today yeah I feel a lot of past mistakes and procrastination and just sins in my life. It makes me feel so unworthy. Without God's grace I wouldn't even be able to write this.

I wasn't planning on writing this blog until very recently today. I just know that the power of prayer works. I feel really tired and worn down by my own flesh. I'm also way more nervous that I would like to admit about this new job. I know I have the skills, the personality, and the character to be successful at this job. I guess I am just afraid of the unknown. I know that I need to trust in God's sovereignty,  but just recently its been harder than usual to do so.

If you have the time, please pray that we may all feel the overwhelming joy and peace that can only be found in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Pray that we may be able to trust Him even with the smallest of things in our lives. I know all too well that things don't always work out the way I want them to so if you say a prayer for me just pray that I will be able to have strength in Him.

Thank you for reading this and I hope all is well.

Grace and Peace

Sean

Lessons in Patience

Before I really start writing what I want to write, I want to say this. I have this feeling that someone is going to read this who is in a lot of pain. I am not sure who you are or what you are going through, but I want you to know that I am praying for you. No pressure, but if you want to connect, so that I can pray more feel free to connect to me Sean Kavanagh on facebook or through email kavanaghs3378@gmail.com . I just had to get that off my chest.


I don't know exactly where I want this post to go, but I know I need to write. Feel me? The 2 words that have been most relevant in my life lately are "Patience" and "Transition". It seems they kind of go hand in hand.These last 3 or 4 months have been awful at times and at other times I have felt too blessed. I left a serious relationship in January, well maybe not "I left", Let's just say it ended. That sucked, but I have learned to say "God is sovereign". That alone helps me calm down. I had a plan set and well things did not work out my way. I was so impatient with life. I wanted answers or something. I quit my job and lost the woman I was in love with. I have been job searching since and it is official I have a new job!

There are 3 areas in my life where I feel incredibly impatient.

1.) With Myself- I am by no means a perfectionist, but I get frustrated when I am not where I want to be. I need to remember that God has me he for a reason. I have issues. We all do. I want them to just go away, but that's just not logical. I must work at them and of course trust that God is more than big enough to squash those problems. I like to beat myself up way too much. I have goals and dreams though. I want to get there, but sometimes life stops you and makes you smell the roses. Sometimes it is like, I want everything to just happen overnight. I have big things coming, but I need patience.

2.) With This World- I hate this place sometimes and I just want to go to Heaven. Now don't get me wrong. I love life, but sometimes this place we live in sucks. I was just at an event recently that sounded great, but it was just full of vulgarity and debauchery. It was ugly. I am not trying to blame specific people or to sound judgmental. I just am sick of all the garbage sometimes. Whether it's violence, hate, sexual exploitation, extreme arrogance, racism, or whatever. This can make me seriously feel ill, but I know what I need to do. God has me on this earth for a reason. I need to make the most of it. I need to show other people what joy is.

3.) With God- This one is one of the most difficult, but it is actually quite ridiculous that anyone should get impatient with God. God's timing is perfect. Nuff said.

This transition for me has been frustrating, but I have seen much growth in myself and I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of new friends and connected with a lot of awesome people. I have been able to write more and present my poetry more. I look forward to whatever is next.

If you have been feeling impatient lately, let's be patient together. Let's trust that things will work out how God wants them to work out, which is always the best way.

Grace and Peace

Sean

Standing Still and Remaining Silent

It just feels like the right time for me to write a blog post. I hope this post encourages you. I have been dwelling on a Bible verse for weeks now. I have just been thinking about it almost daily and yet I didn't really understand why. Today I studied it more and truly sought wisdom and understanding. The verse is Exodus 14:14  "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Now before I go into what God has been revealing to me through that verse I want to get a little personal. Lately, I have been battling with sin and honestly I have been trying to do it all on my own. Sprititually, I don't think I am in a low point, but there are certain things that I just have not been giving to Him. Last night, I came home from a great night with friends. I laid outside with my dog on my picnic table and I just got lost looking at the stars. It was incredible. The sky was so clear and the stars looked amazing. I was thinking to myself, How can I try to act like God is not there? Like, I'll just block Him out for awhile. That is crazy. He is OMNIPRESENT. Later last night I felt horribly convicted to pray for a friend of mine who was struggling. While praying, God was also convicting me of my own sin. I felt a lot of growth, but it was painful. He made me realize that I have a lot to work on myself.

So back to that verse. As for context, this is Moses speaking. This is right before the Red Sea is about to be parted, but the Israelites don't know that. All they know is Pharaoh's army is on their tail and they look like dead meat. Here comes the murmuring and complaining. They were upset with Moses because they didn't  have faith that God would get them out this time. The first part of Moses' response was in verse 13, but in 14 he says "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." This is the NIV translation. In other translations it says "Be calm", "Be Silent", and "ye shall hold your peace". 

This verse is all about trust. Now I don't know what it is like to be these people who see an army coming to destroy them from behind and a great body of water in front of them, which appears to be a sure dead end. I think there are still points to take from this though. My personal favorite translation was "Be silent". These Israelites were murmuring, gossiping and complaining a lot.  Now, I see myself much like these Israelites, I sit here complaining. When life isn't going my way I start to grumble, but in that moment I lack trust. I need to shut up and let God fight for me. I think God is saying "Let me handle this", but we are like stubborn little kids first learning to tie our shoes. And if anyone tries to help we say "No! I got this", when all we can do is tie a bunch of knots that we can't even un-knot by ourselves and we end up creating an even bigger mess. The truth is we NEED God. God is willing to fight for us. He will protect us. Sometimes, I want to show everyone how tough I am, but God wants us to show our weaknesses! He is stregthened in our weakness!

Last night while praying, I wanted to lead the way in all these battles. I wanted to fight for my friend. God reminded me that I alone can't. I must surrender myself to Him. I must be silent and trust.

Thank you LORD!